The Sexuality of Fruits Basket
by spacecowqueen
Summary: My friends and I have a talk show where we ask the Fruits Basket people about what their true sexualities are, since the anime and manga keeps us guessing.


Yes, I'm back with another story. This time, it's Fruits Basket! Yay! In this story, me and my friends discuss the sexuality of the characters in one of our favorite animes. Whatever's said in here is just for fun and we're not serious. …Usually. But I'm sure we're not the only ones who thought about what the true sexualities are of the Furuba people. Like Akito…(shiver) Beware of OOCness.

Disclaimer: We don't own Fruits Basket, we just obsess over it.

Chapter One

Yuki the Rat

The lights come on to reveal a stage with chairs set up (it's kind of like the jerry springer set). A screen above the audience blinks "APPLAUSE", and the audience claps like the mindless drones that they are. Two girls walk out on stage and grin cheesily like the other talk show hosts on t.v. One girl has short brown hair and the other has long blond-highlighted brown hair and is a little bit taller (dammit…).

"Welcome to the Sexuality of Fruits Basket-" The girl with short hair interrupts the other girl by snickering. When she's finished, the long- haired girl glares at her.

"Are you finished?" She asks.

"Yeah. Go on." The short- haired girl says.

"Thank you. Now, this show is going to be about-"

"Ashley! Kirsten! There's no more donuts!" A smallish brown blob cries, running from the back (ha! I'm not the shortest person!).

"STOP INTERRUPTING ME!" The long- haired girl, Ashley, screams.

"Did you eat them all, Sasha?" The other girl, Kirsten, asks.

"No…"

"Did you at least leave the boxes this time?"

"…"

"Look Sasha! A cord!" Ashley cries, pointing at a cord on the ground from a camera. Sasha pounces on the cord and starts gnawing on it. And some poor family loses their t.v. reception for this show. Their loss.

"…Anyway. Today's victim-er-guest for the 'Sexuality of Fruits Basket'…heh… is Yuki Sohma!" Kirsten announces. A big black man named Bubba comes out with a thrashing Yuki slung over his shoulder and throws him down in a chair. Several girls in the audience squeal and attempt to flood the set. Bubba growls at them and scares them into going back to their seats. Ashley hands Bubba a bucket of KFC and pats him on the head.

"Good boy!" She says. Bubba grunts and ambles off the set.

"Hello, Yuki." Kirsten greets, grinning evilly.

"Where am I?" Yuki asks timidly.

"Your worst nightmare!" Ashley laughs with a flashlight under her chin. Yuki looks like he's going to wet himself. He does. Ew.

"…Ew. So, anyway, let's bring out the people closest to you." Kirsten says.

"He sprung a leak!" Sasha laughs at Yuki.

"Leek! I hate leeks!" Someone shouts from off-stage.

"…KYO!" Sasha screams, running off in the direction of the voice. There's a #POOF# off-stage, and Sasha comes back, carrying a pissed off orange kitty.

"I found Kyo." She states happily, sitting in a chair. Kyo grumbles incoherently to himself. Tohru and Shigure come out on stage.

"Shii-chan!" Ashley squeals, launching herself at Shigure. There's another #POOF# and Shigure has turned into a dog. Ashley plops herself on the ground and starts rubbing Shigure's tummy. He grins and starts kicking his leg.

"Kawaii desu ne(1)!" Ashley says. Tohru nods fervently and Kirsten rolls her eyes.

"Whatever. So, in your opinion, what is Yuki?" Kirsten asks the cast.

"A boy?" Tohru says in confusion. Kirsten groans and slaps her hand against her forehead.

"He's gay. Show's over." Kyo states, getting ready to leave. Sasha, however, grabs him and makes him stay.

"He is not gay!" An enraged blond screams from the audience. Ashley and Kirsten look out into the audience.

"…Amanda!" They cry when they identify her. Amanda attempts to storm down the steps, but ends up tripping over her own feet and falling down the stairs.

"Stairs don't like me…" She whines.

"Yuki's gay, with men he plays, Yuki's gay, horray!" Sasha sings while petting a struggling Kyo.

"Riiight. So, do you have any questions, Ashley?" Kirsten asks. Ashley ignores her as she continues to pet Shigure.

"Ashley?" Again she is ignored.

"ASHLEY!"

"WHAT!"

"Hey! You guys have gone over the time limit! End the show!" A nerdy guy snaps from off-stage.

"Make us!" Kirsten retorts. And ominous #CLICK# is then heard, and the lights in the studio shut off.

"I was being sarcastic, you ass!"

Alrighty, that was the first chapter to our weird talk show. Leave a review and let me know who you want on here next. I'll accept people who aren't in the zodiac, like Uotani and Saki. Also, if you want to be an audience member, leave a brief description, which character's chapter you want to be in, and what question or whatever you want to ask if you want to. And I apologize to all the Yuki fans who may have been offended. We can't control Kyo's mouth. (1) cute isn't it!


End file.
